On the Decline of Civilization as We Know It through the -------------------------------------------------------- Agency of Noodles ----------------- The dangerously subversive tendencies of noodles have for a long time been know to the Western powers. Now, for the first time, this threat to our society has been investigated by a Government committee [GSC 1026-17a]. This report summarises the findings of this committee. The following diagram represents the seat of US Government, namely the White House: _i_ ..... /------\ nnnnnnn | | | /+-+-++++++-+-+\ --------> | | \--\ | || | IIIIII | || | \____/ | +--------------+ \________/ wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww The figure on the right is, quite clearly, a noodle. This simple diagram alone makes quite obvious the shocking penetration of noodles into the seat of our government. Noodles have been around for a long time, however it is only in recent years that their successful penetration into every level of society has occurred. Spreading initially from university campuses and slums, noodles now permeate every level of our society. Indeed, it has been postulated by a previous report [GSC 1017-2b] that nearly 10% of our government is composed of known noodles, noodle sympathisers, or people who have been in contact with or are related to practising noodles. Now this committee is not advocating a return to the McCarthyist noodles-under-the-beds doctrine of the 1950's and 60's. However it is recommended that known noodles and noodle sympathisers be carefully screened and excluded from jobs relating to national security. Further, it is recommended that exports to countries following a noodle doctrine be strictly controlled and that security-related goods be banned from export to these countries. Only in this manner can the dangerous and subversive growth of noodles be controlled and, hopefully, eventually eradicated.