A Splatter Chick Flick

• The loser ex-boyfriend. Nobody will care if he's ripped limb from limb. You could extend the franchise a bit here and have him plan the demise of the current suitor in various ways that never quite work out, resulting in the demise of lots of innocent bystanders in various messy ways. It should probably also go without saying that the current suitor's name has to be Derek.

• The disillusioned-with-society feminist. I suggest she be the one to pull the trigger/press the detonate button, that way the chicks have some basis for approving the occurrence of the explosions in the first place.

• The obsessively over-attentive and domineering mother who's intent on seeing her daughter married off to the loser ex-boyfriend. Brings a bit of family feeling into the film, particularly the bit where the daughter drops the bloodstained chainsaw and wipes the remains of mother from her face.

• The recovering alcoholic best friend who brings a sense of perspective to the everyday lives of the characters of the film, especially when she succumbs once more to the bottle and goes postal with a pair of 44 magnums and a hedge trimmer. The scene ends with the tearful and remorseful best friend being comforted and forgiven by the heroine as she wipes bits of entrails from her face with a hanky.

• The identical twin members of the Swedish Bikini Team who have turned up with their raspberry jello and mobile paddling pool. No, wait, wrong movie.

Discredits: Suggestions for additional plot elements provided by Cully Paterson.