The Top 16 Rejected Scientific Papers
16. Imminent Global Destruction: Why Tea Leone Won't Return My Calls
15. A Study of Who Can Shoot Milk Out of His Nose Farther, Me or My Friend, Matt
14. Charles Nelson Reilly: Testosterone, Androgen and the Hypermasculine of the Species
13. Highway to Hell: The Deadly Link Between Air Guitar and Young Male WASP Traffic Fatalities
12. Post Scripted Annotations of the Reader's Maternal Parent Pertaining to Promiscuous Coital Activities for Remuneration: Your Mother's a Ho
11. Abnormal Behavioral Models of Slacker Office-Publishing Lackeys: Why it Took Me 5 Friggin' Days to Get This Paper Back From Kinkos
10. Turning Crap to Gold: The New QVC Alchemy
9. Spewing Profits: Are the Bath Tissue and Olestra Industries in Bed Together?
8. Effects of a Huge, No-Strings Government Research Grant on Frank Farel of Long Island, NY... About a Million Bucks, Say
7. How Much Fibrous Xylem Could a Marmota Monax Slough if a Marmota Monax Could Slough Fibrous Xylem?
6. Seruc rof aixelsyD
5. WHAM!: Production of Liquid by Means of Manual Stimulation of a Cylinder
4. Ants in my Pants: A Personal Case Study
3. Observed Effects of Viagra on Bone Regeneration
2. Cats, Landings, and the Empire State Building: How High Is TOO High?
1. She Blinded Me With Acid: The Do's and Don'ts of Lab Assistant Harassment
Useful Research Phrases and what they Really Mean
What did the sign on Pavlov's lab door say?
Please knock. DON'T ring the bell.
HOW TO WRITE GOOD
by Frank L. Visco
My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "NO! I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?!"
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
Psychology is actually biology.
Biology is actually chemistry.
Chemistry is actually physics.
And physics is actually math.
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